Surprised by Joy*

As this summer comes to a close, and Jamie's return is eminent, I must admit that I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Taking care of my kids for so long by myself has been a real struggle and during the hard times, one can loose perspective. It has been difficult listening to tantrums, dealing with a hungry child, a tired child, and a hurt child all at the same moment, several times per day. It has been hard to wake up every morning, alone, and go to bed every night, alone.
I always have had dreams of being able to influence people for better. Of course in the naivete of youth, I shunned motherhood as being the largest obstacle to obtaining that goal, and certainly not the way of doing it. I have come to see that I was wrong, very wrong. I realize this dream every day. I am my children's foundation. I have to be a better person, because I want them to be good people. Motherhood is a challenge that I have to stick with, its not a job that I can quit or a project that I can abandon. This influence, only felt by three beautiful people is more powerful than I will ever know.
Although I complain to my husband and my friends about my children, and sometimes question my efficacy, motherhood has been the greatest challenge of my life, and the reward for a job well done, I expect is going to also be the greatest of my life.
*"Surprised by Joy" is the title of C.S. Lewis' autobiography, highly recommended reading.