I am so glad that I read this book. Dr. Latham gives some really good ideas about children. The big idea is that kids are vying for attention from adults. They want to get approval, really, but if negative attention is all they can get, they will fight hard, hard, hard to get it. The key is to give them lots and lots of attention when they are behaving and to basically ignore them when they are misbehaving. Consequences should be administered, but as little attention as possible should be paid to the bad behavior. For me, his best idea was "junk behavior". Junk behavior is the normal run of the mill things that kids do, like argumentative teenagers or toddlers throwing fits or elementary school kids refusing to do their homework. Dr. Latham says that you should ignore them, simply ignore them. So, I tried it out, when Abby was fighting about doing her homework, I paid attention to Bailey and his homework until Abby calmed down and then I paid attention to her and her homework. The change in behavior in our home was almost immediate from applying this idea.
The other big thing that Dr. Latham talks about is ignoring sibling rivalry (unless one of the siblings is physically hurting or bullying the other). I love this too. I've watched my kids argue about things, and resolve them by themselves, something that they wouldn't do if I stuck my nose in the middle of it. Sibling rivalry is one of the major things that I struggle with, but really I agree with Dr. Latham, the kids need to work it out on their own.
Tattling, another big issue. Now, when my kids tattle on each other, I say "I'm sorry, what are you going to do about it?" and then we talk about ideas and I try to teach them to be assertive and resolve their own conflicts.
I highly recommend this book to anyone that has children. It has really helped the mood in our home, or at least my mood, which is essentially the same thing.
10 comments:
I can see that attitude working for some stuff, but what about the problems that don't come from attention grabbing behavior (or cases where you can't control the attention)? For example, Bin LOVES feeding the dog. Since the dog is overweight, this is unhealthy for the dog, even if we gave her dog food to feed him. We can't just ignore the behavior and it isn't our attention she is seeking. So, what would Latham suggest? This is probably attention seeking behavior, but the attention she wants is from the dog and we can't really control that.
What are you doing now when she does this?
First time she throws, we tell her that if she throws food again, we'll take the food. Second time, we take the food. We also try to intercept the food before the dog eats it. This part might be amusing for her, but it kinda has to be done.
I think that Latham would suggest that you take the food away the first time, say nothing to her and interact as little as possible. Being consistent every time. Ignore the fit that she will throw, say nothing to her and go about your business. Find a place to put her where she can't get hurt if you need to, saying and interacting as little as possible.
The other thing you could do is to make sure that the dog is somewhere else while she is eating. I don't know how practical that is for you, but it would most likely be what I would do.
Make sure when she is behaving well that you pour out your attention like crazy. That much has helped us so much.
I knew Dr. Latham years ago st USU. After reading his work you can how many others have built on his ideas.
I used a lot of his stuff on my own kids and it worked so very well! Even in getting them to cooperate and be quiet in Church. keep up the good work it is hard at first as the negative behaviors actually escalate, the child thinks 'well it worked before I'll try it again and again and again," But the behavior will go away.
Our only exception to the rule on tattling was.."TELL if someone is going to get hurt!" I didn't need them following each other into the street or up trees too high . . . good luck, you are a great mom, i can tell all the way from here!
I have this book and reading your post reminded me that I need to re-read it! When I try to do the things that he suggests, it seems like everything at home gets better (at least a little bit). With the new baby and company coming and going, I feel like everything is totally crazy right now. Maybe a quick read through of that book would help get rid of a little of the chaos. Great book!
i read this book several months ago, i appreciate your review, it reminds me a lot of those seemingly simple things that i've let go of and the rotten behaviors return. i feel RECOMmITTED!! :)
I have this book, but I haven't read it yet. I did read his "Christlike Parenting" book though. So good. I'll have to read this one after I finish what I'm currently reading.
I definitely need to get this. Thanks for the recommendation and review! I'll use your cliffs notes version in the mean time.
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