Elephant Grief

Elephants have death rituals.  They have been observed returning to grave sites, burying their dead and when they come across other elephant remains they will caress the bones in a way that seems to indicate a deep respect.  Calves have been observed to cry when their mothers die.

Today is a tough day.  It's been a month since my mom died.

I am hoping so much that I can make through the last few weeks of school before I crash, but the anxiety has been bubbling at the surface the past couple of days and I don't know if I can keep it at bay too much longer.

It this very moment I am okay, but that may all change in a minute.

Grief is hard.  I've been through losing a loved one before, just when you think things are starting to get better, it's like what your brain understands, that someone you love is gone, finally reaches the rest of your body.  My heart understands that hers will never beat again and grieves for her.  My lungs understand that air will never pass into her body again and grieves for her.  My eyes understand that she will never see the cherry blossoms in the spring again.  The body grieves.

My world has been forever altered and things are still shifting.

I wonder how long an elephant grieves.  Do they keep returning to the spot of death?  Do they spontaneously start crying when something reminds them of their loved one?  Do they wish things had been different?  Perhaps the answer is that we never stop grieving.  There is always a hole in our lives and we just get used to it being there.